The Quotes Historical:
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FDA specs mandate any fork used for scratching of the back be utilized on the exterior of at least one layer of cotton blend or equivalent
(Submitted by Risa Scott)
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May it rest in fleece
- Dan
- He lost his glove
(Submitted by Risa Scott)
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"is it safe to jump in the water with a life jacket on?"
- Fellow Climber
- Conversation about climbing rocks above water and jumping off...
(Submitted by Risa Scott)
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It`s fucking NYC, we have at least two of everything
- Tony
(Submitted by Pete Vincenti)
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This is a Tony song.
- Pete and Colin
- Said to almost evey song on the radio.
(Submitted by Pete Vincenti)
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You gotta stop worrying about being gay, man! You gotta think more about sausage!
- Colin
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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While you`re out gay-bashing, I`m at home fucking your girlfriend... In the ass!
- Me
- Telling a prank caller to fuck off and ripping off the very bangable jimmy urine (and I dont even like guys)
(Submitted by Matthew Beischer)
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when`s the last time somebody put a new quote in that box?
- Elena
- as she looked over my shoulder while I posted
(Submitted by Rich Beischer)
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I like vegetables... yes all of them... but not for eating... ::evil grin::
- Colin (not THAT colin)
- colin is a disgusting person
(Submitted by Northern Cross)
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HT: Call the Better Business Bureau!
Greb: It`s pizza...
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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Colin: Does Monica know our band is named after her?
Monica: You have a band?
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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Oh, I just burped ginsu knives!
- HT
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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Eric 1: `No action club`!? You had that, God you guys were losers! Eric 2: Dude, we had that too, it was called `The Single Fuckers` Eric 1: Oh shit you`re right
- Eric and Eric, you et the idea
- I told the story of our high school club, he was making fun of it, but apparently he forgot his school had the same thing (slightly more vulgar) but it was really funny. Oh and Eric 1 was drunk at the time, making it all the better.
(Submitted by Greg Sydlowski)
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Eric: No action club!? You had that, God you guys were losers!
(Submitted by Greg Sydlowski)
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Kaes: In our movie, we should have two losers who always make stupid jokes and then laugh at how funny they think they are.
Colin: ... so, you mean... us.
- Colin & Kaes
- Colin and Kasey brainstorming for their "movie" (which is currently in pre-production).
(Submitted by Kaes Delgrego)
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Colin: ONE... TWO... THREE... FOOOOOUUUUUURRRR!!!!!
Kaes: .....The band is over.
- Colin & Kaes
- Colin was counting off to start our song in HT`s absence
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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Don`t look at me, look at the goddamn map!
- Dr. William J. Parente
- look at the map of India please
(Submitted by Pete Amorosa)
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Pete: That sounded great; did you guys write that yourselves?
Kaes: Well yeah, we just kind of screwed together.
- Pete & Kaes
- Kaes missed a word or two.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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How is it, Pete?
Ridiculous
How ridiculous?
Deliciously Ridiculous!
- Pete and Present Parties
- Saint Thomas. Night One. Delicious meal number one.
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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Daredatte shippai wa surunda, hazu kashii kono janaii, kno kizu wo muda ni shinaidai, warette wo ikerabii
- Naruto, Fourth Ending Song
- I can sing in japanese
(Submitted by Matthew Beischer)
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Yes! Queer... again!!!
- Tony
- Put down that circumstance! You don`t deserve it deserve it deserve it...
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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Lefty pinkist commo!
- HT
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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Do the Greek cows say *mew*?
- Mark Strobert
- Absolutely nothing happened to explain why this thought came into his mind.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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What you don`t know is that, 30 minutes later, Doug got dicked in the ass
- Colin
- On what probably happened when Doug was hanging out with Mister Dink, who we suspect is a child molester.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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Colin = Krunked
- Away Message. Kaes.
- Apparently drinking half of a beer is grounds for krunk. And I did it at a bar of legal age to celebrate a friend`s birthday. But it`s been the away message, now, for 18 hours.
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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Peter, why on earth aren`t I just zapping these people with my staff?
- Sir Ian McKellen
- To Peter Jackson, about why Gandalf would bother fighting orcs with a sword. Jackson responded *because the batteries in your staff have run down.*
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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"Theory is the oppressive tool of the man, used to mentally rape women." "What do they want us to do then, be more like women and just not think???"
- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAfeminismclassisannoying
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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. . . they`ve moved my desk four times already this year. And I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married . .
- Office Space
(Submitted by Emily Chornomaz)
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It looks like hes trapped in a web browser! Its got the toolbar and everything!
- Bacigalupo
- Referring to Karl Sandlers very very odd and poorly cropped author photo.
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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Mike Hunt wants a time-out!
- TV announcer during a UD basketball game
- Mike Hunt is the coach of Towson`s Men`s Basketball team
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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I don`t go fishing around in vaginas.
- HT
- You don`t want to know the circumstance.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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"Damn you woman with f*ucking curlers, she`s terrorizing the set. Pissed off!"
- Colin McCloskey
- Outtakes Reel on the Living Young DVD.
(Submitted by Rich Beischer)
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This uniform is turning me on, permission to touch myself, Captain?
- William Sadler - on ST:TNG
- when watching some ST
(Submitted by Matthew Beischer)
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`You probably would`ve had a better chance with Julia Styles than I would.` `Why`s that?` `Because she`s SMART!!!`
- Tony, me, Tony. I guffawed. He looked baffled.
- She was on The Daily Show.
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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I think Monica`s an asshole too
- The fan in our room
- I told HT that in arguing with Monica he might as well be arguing with the fan. Then we got curious to see what the fan thought.
Make sure when reading the quote that you imagine the sound of someone`s voice when they speak through a fan.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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You know you need to go to bed when you`re too tired to murder.
- HT
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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Colin: Fucking Devils!!
Liz: I didn`t know devils fucked?!
Leslie: They fuck angels.
- Colin, Leslie and Me...posted because of Leslie
- Coling was referring to the hockey game, me being funny, and Leslie being...wellllll, Leslie...and she said this in all seriousness
(Submitted by Liz Hart)
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Colin: Fucking Devils!!
(Submitted by Liz Hart)
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Colin: Fucking Devils!!
(Submitted by Liz Hart)
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Can I ask Santa for some play?
- HT
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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BIG PARTY AT STUBBY`S. FREE ALCOHOL. BRING YOUR OWN BITCHES.
- (As written in chalk on sidewalk)
- Does anyone remember the scene in The Breakfast Club when they`re talking about the big party at Stubby`s? Is this whole chalking a joke!?
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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It`s like *Jack Frost,* only with shit instead of snow
- Colin
- He was describing the film *Monsturd.*
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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no its a three paragraph discussion on the gravitational force of my balls
- Justin
- -on term papers
(Submitted by Matthew Beischer)
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i never had sex with anything, and i dont thnk my mom or dad have any.... ok, i had sex with a dolphin, but just 50 times...
- Alaina the Demon Girl
- why bother...
(Submitted by Matthew Beischer)
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That`s Billy Crystal, not Cameron Diaz. That`s why it didn`t look right.
- Carin
- HT was guessing Charlie`s Angels: Full Throttle for number 9 on this quiz. It was City Slickers.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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That was awesome! I coulda dunked it right on his dick.
- Tony
- Ummm, yeah. Tony was hitting a ball at H.T. (who was lying on the floor).
(Submitted by Liz Hart)
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That would Baci my galupos!
- Mark Strobert
- He was yelling my last name, I pretended to kick him in the crotch, and this was his comment on the situation.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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Most people have family members who they`d like to put a cherry bomb in and see what happens
- My mom
- Um... apparently my mom wants to watch someone in her family explode from the inside...
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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HT: That time, it was intentional.
Tony: I know, because I heard your ass-cackling.
- HT and Tony
- I was sitting behind him in a car and he moved his seat back maliciously. I also really had to get the previous quote out of here because it was breaking the site.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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"Monica hates Muslims." "Isn`t she like a Ra worshiper or something?" "...bwwwaaaaahhahaahahhhahaahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
- Ian
- Monica is a racist, homophobe, and apparently a Ra worshiper to boot
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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Star: He`s just a groupie.
Ian: I don`t know what I am.
- Star and Ian
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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"To hell with Jesus!"
- ~Jep, age 13
- stupid jehovahs witnesses
(Submitted by Matthew Beischer)
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Tony: It really looks like you vomited on yourself! Colin: I DID vomit on myself!
...a very small amount!
It was like a vurp!
- Colin n` Tony
- Colin drove off just as I was gonna get in the car, which was so funny that he vurped.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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Tony: Who`s hungry besides me?
Colin: I am.
Drew: I am.
Colin: Are we going to stay stank?
Tony: Yes.
Drew: Yes.
- The guys who slumber
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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Oh damn! There`s an ass up my ass!
- Colin
- Colin + City Driving = Deathtainment
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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C: Are you gonna pee or shit? T: I have to pee C: Ah, because I have special toilet paper for VIP guests T: Oh, if you say that, a shit sounds pretty good right now
- C: Colin, T: Tony
- This one is pretty simple to figure out.
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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The point was to find new things, meet new people, and impress those people with your new things.
- ~Jep
- on MMORPG`s
(Submitted by Matthew Beischer)
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Dave: Beware!
Liz: Of what? Your ten-foot invisible penis?
- Dave & Liz
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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How about I hold your sandwich and you can go dig in your ass.
- Myself, to Tony
- His keys were in his back pocket, and he had a sandwich in his hand. `Nuff said.
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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He was just trying to make an impression. That impression was, `I`m a penis`.
- Steve Rawson
- Explaining Nathan Carleton`s anti-gay editorial in the school paper a week into the school year
(Submitted by Steve Rawson)
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My belt smells like urine" "Then stop peeing on it.
- Conversation over AIM
- My friend Justin happened to mention the status of his belt.
(Submitted by Matthew Beischer)
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Star Trek is really just a soap opera for nerds!
- Annie Hundley
- Explaining how she got hooked on Star Trek this summer
(Submitted by Steve Rawson)
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I ate the fortune cookie and forgot about the fortune. Now the fortune is IN ME!
- Colin McCloskey
- He at a fortune cookie. Whole. Fortune and all.
(Submitted by David Heliotis)
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Fortune: `You will be on the list of *The Excellent People* this year`
- Confucious
- Chinese Food
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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Well, when your midget dies...
- Carin
- I was talking about how Limp Bizkit`s time seemed to be up, which is extra funny because she was referring to Joe C of Kid Rock`s band
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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Who`s my mark? The guy in the skirt. Oh great I love guys in skirts.
- Raju and I
- Orange vs. Purple
(Submitted by Pete Amorosa)
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Who`s my mark?
(Submitted by Pete Amorosa)
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Michelle: We should form our own a cappella group!
Dr. Bradshaw: We could call ourselves Suckapella!
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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I can`t see these anymore... my eyes are gonna explode
- Michelle
- I was showing her the song titles and lyrics to the band A*** C***, which features such songs as *Van Full of Retards*
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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I`m sorry... I just ADD`d all over the place.
- Michelle
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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No, no! You don`t have to pay for it! Just type *more*.
- Evan Scott Brodsky
- Talking about reading Shakespeare from SmarterChild
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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What is this? I hate socks like this...it`s like a `fat leg` sock!
- Tony
- While examining a sock that lost its elastic...one that he probably hasn`t seen since September....
(Submitted by Carin Bloom)
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I suppose Im whacking his dick tower
- Ian
- He was playing with this other guy`s dick tower
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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This just feels like spinning plates, our bodies floating down the muddy river.
- Radiohead
- Spinning Plates / Kid A
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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Did he have a dick!? And balls!? Cause if he did, that`s a guy!
- Harland Westgate
- Discussing the Greek *God*, a *guy* named Hades
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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Pizza Guy: You want a box with that?
Crazy Jock: No. I wanna rock.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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What I wouldn`t give for more epidermis when it`s time to take a shower...
- Sarah Cummings
- Rubber ducky, you`re the one... the one for bathtime yeeAARRRRGG!!! My epidermis is burning!!!
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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I want a magazine that pays on acceptance and is staffed by elves. Here we are! U,S, Catholic!
- Jack Emery
- RATPAQ Staff Writer, looking to have a few articles published
(Submitted by Rich Beischer)
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They make taco sauce from my secretions.
- Colin
- His secretions smell like taco sauce.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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You have touching German concentration camp music.
- TonyRA
- Um... so Evanescence apparently reminds Tony of Nazi concentration camp music...
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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Really? Do you swear on your magic-girl-knowledge?
- Mark Strobert
- Carin told him that the non-squishy parts of a 2 week old non-refridgerated apple would still be good
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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He`s got you up ahead, a seat to stay afloat, and a nice soggy ass. What could be better?
- Mike Lee
- Err... Something about Colin and a paddleboat.
(Submitted by Keely Swan)
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Shit, yo, she said chicken-head!
- Sarah Taylor
- Some commercial. Much funny.
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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No! I don`t want a koala! Koalas don`t have rib cages! So if I had one, I would crush it when I hugged it!
- Nicole C.
- Just a public service announcement: do NOT hug koalas.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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If I was the Wicked Witch of the West I`d be melting! You`ve gotta keep that in mind!
- Colin
- Monica squirted him with a camera shaped watergun
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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I thought I was the only person left in the world. Just me, HT, and the UPS guy.
- Colin
- It was a very weird (and painful) morning for him.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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Oh yeah. Allright.
- Rivers Cuomo
- The sexiest-sung line in any Weezer song, save maybe *any* of the words from Falling for You or The World has Turned and Left Me Here
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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Mr. Fuckstick, your table is ready..... did I say that wrong?
- Some Waitress at Mannions....
- She mispronounced my alias "Dieter Fükst˙k
(Submitted by Rich Beischer)
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I`m gonna need a really big stick... Tony, I`ll need your penis.
- Colin
- Trying to get the Son-Of-A-Beotch Ball out from behind HT`s dresser
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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If Adam inserts his junk then everyone would have to rotate.
- Colin
- Explaining algorithms to us... no, really.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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I`m waiting for when I`m 40 and we`re fighting Super Iraq 2
- Colin
- Making a point about how our war with Iraq won`t change things much
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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Is this too fast? Is this too dull?
- Professor Dong Zhu
- He was discussing MIPS addressing modes and the demonstration was good, just kind of boring because that`s the type of class it is
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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I`m trying to find out who`s Gadget Dick
- Tony
- And the results for his quiz are in!
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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If I get a 600 in Snake then I`m okay to drive.
- Drunk guy
- Using the game on his Nokia as a sobriety test. Surprise, he didn`t make 600 points.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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I almost caught it!!! Quiznarf!...
- Colin
- Welcome to Son-of-a-Beeotch Ball
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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I`m a sucker for all things big.
- Liz Hart
- Sexual, let`s leave it at that
(Submitted by Pete Vincenti)
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I`m still asleep, so if I speaks wrong... food.
- HT
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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It... is not quite as witty as speaking...
- Harland
- ouch says the brain...
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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It was the mickey mouse ice cream bars that did me in.
- Greg
- Speaking of what made him break his vow to give up ice cream for Lent
(Submitted by Keely Swan)
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Crazy Kurt Cobains kill themselves. Hot looking chicks kill you.
- Colin
- Brooke Burke poster follows you with her eyes!
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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This is the first time I`ve had to discuss underwear with a girl I wasn`t sleeping with
- Rich Beischer
- on informing a friend she had left underwear in his room, somehow.....
(Submitted by Rich Beischer)
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"Elf ears make the best handles."
- Myself
- I have an elf fetish, so sue me
(Submitted by Matthew Beischer)
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Noo! Those belong to your nipples!
- Colin
- Leslie was trying to clip balloons to colin`s teets
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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I am so nitpicky. I don`t think I could ever successfully live with someone unless they had a lot of sex with me.
- Colin McCloskey
- HT didn`t wipedown the fridge
(Submitted by Liz Hart)
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You`ve got some moves for a white girl
- My guidance counselor
- Yeah. He was a chaperone at the NHS dance and I guess saw me dancing.. err... very very funny (also not quite appropriate!) *note: he`s white too!
(Submitted by Keely Swan)
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A`ig-hit blah.
- Count *A`ight* Blah
- `Bout time that showed up on the quotes board. What happened to that show anyway?
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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Words are so... unsatisfactory sometimes, now communication through ideas? Theres a notion.
- Dazzle
- talking about how it can be so hard to find the right word sometimes
(Submitted by Matthew Beischer)
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I speaks funny
- Thub
- Talking to hisself.
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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What the f***, guys? Like you`re going to find something better?
- A Hogs and Heifers bartender
- I got carded at the aforementioned bar, so my dad and I were leaving when she, entering the bar, noticed our early departure. (Hogs and Heifers is the bar *Coyote Ugly* is based on)
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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You get a handful of crotch, you`ll be fine...
- Rawson
- Alisha was showing us all a few of the self defense moves she learned
(Submitted by Keely Swan)
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Men substitute words for realities, and then talk about the words.
- Edwin Armstrong
- No sleep and root beer make matt something something
(Submitted by Matthew Beischer)
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Damn it! When you make me laugh it crawls back in!
- Colin
- Referring to the skank nasty belch he`s trying to unlease upon me.
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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-It just happens because my legs are that freakin` long!
- I think it`s because you`re a retard
- - HT - Colin
- Wow we`re on a roll. If only HT could sit at his desk properly!
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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I had no idea you were throwing that... I thought my crotch exploded!
- Colin
- Ah, the last days of the semester... compliments of a ninja star.
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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Did you notice they have... paper welded to my fork... vegitarian vegitable soup?
- Colin
- Um... lunch in the dining hall is rarely normal here.
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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Confidence, Ladies. Confidence.
- Colin
- Reading my recent mainstream responses, it seemed like a funny quote to me. True, but funny.
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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Without sensibility no object would be given to us, without understanding no object would be thought. Thoughts without content are empty. Intuitions without concept are blind.
- Immanuel Kant -- Critique of Pure Reason
- just sitting around having a beer
(Submitted by Matthew Beischer)
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If you leave me because you think you might have a chance with Mary Kate and Ashley, I`ll kill you.
- Carin
- After we learned of the Olsen Twins` interest in coming to UD
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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Dick Cheney is on an iron lung, how is that sexy?!? [...] Powell has a degree in Geology... so... how does that make him less sexy?
- Anonymous A-Teamer (well.. Ameya)
- Oh man. Bus rides with A- team always leads to interesting discussion....
(Submitted by Keely Swan)
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I used the rubber bottom of our kitchen mat to grip the lid of a relish jar that was stuck.
- Jeremy (Miami, Fla.)
- Quoted party is in college, need I say more?
(Submitted by Matthew Beischer)
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Your sternum is like a 93 year-old-woman`s I did CPR on.
- EMT extraordinaire, AKA Dr. Death, AKA Harland
- I don`t know, Colin was being weird, and I noticed that his sternum reminded me of a 93 year-old-lady we did CPR on one time.
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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Whoa... that`s a happy highway.
- Colin
- I was showing off my "happy trail."
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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Your head sounded like a suction cup!
- Colin
- Colin hit my head, and it really did sound like a suction cup. I confirmed this by hitting myself in the head and getting the same result.
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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My skin clearly does not generate enough friction with my sheets. I just let gravity do its thing.
- Colin
- Sliding off of his bed slowly after flopping down on it without a shirt
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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I came here to be drugged, electricuted, and probed, not insulted.
- Homer J. Simpson
(Submitted by Jes Beym)
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I don`t know if I believe in Love or Beatles.
- Rich
- Talking to Pam about matters of the heart....
(Submitted by Rich Beischer)
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I need to be naked and explode while you need to tell me all about this
- Harland
- I really really don`t know
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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Sponges like a wet conduit!!!
- My ears, misinterpreting what Colin said.
- He said "Something like a bent conduit."
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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Facemask!? There was no mask to face!
- Colin McCloskey
- Bringing back an older quote - said during a Madden NFL football game in which Team Ecko rocked Greg Sydlowski`s world... without facemasks.
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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I was like a black person fanatic - television wise - when I was younger
- Liz
- She was explaining all of her favorite TV shows from when she was a kid - Difrent Strokes, Whats Happening, etc
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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Life is definetely confusing, like one gigantic maze for those lab rats, and when u take a wrong turn you get electrocuted...
- Joey
- Life is jjust too confusing
(Submitted by Risa Scott)
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Well, I`m missing you more since days have grown cold
- Chris Batten
- In the song Driver
(Submitted by Rich Beischer)
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drew-"I like that chair!"...Frank-"Thats why your so fucked up..."
- Frank....(haha)
- drews erecto-chair...
(Submitted by Risa Scott)
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I think what he means is, "I`m the dumbest guy on the planet. Here`s some proof!"
- Strongbad
- The commentary for "In Search of the Yello Dello"
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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`How did you not know that was in your pants???` `Cause it wasn`t up my ass!`
- NC116
- Gourd Wars continues...
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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Shit! This problem is hard!
- My Logic Professor
(Submitted by Drew Housten)
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If women had really big nipples, their breasts would be like bagpipes.
- Imagine That!
- So we were chatting and it was way past bedtime. Wow.
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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`So basically, you`re going to rip me a new ass-hole using a gangrenous platypus, administered by a syphaliptic manatee corpse?` `Yup.`
- Colin, followed by myself.
- White Honkeys v. Syphaliptic manatee corpses.
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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Tony: Hey look, there are some bunnies.
Chris: Let`s throw rocks at them.
Tony: Hey, look, there`s a big rock.
Chris: Let`s throw bunnies at it.
- Tony and Chris
- Walking down the Mall
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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All you have been doing is fucking rocks
- Frank Marino
(Submitted by Drew Housten)
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You Chinese Chicken Fuck
- Adam Spina
(Submitted by Drew Housten)
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Hello New York!!! We are the Fuckin` Neurons!!!
- Lead singer of The Fuckin` Neurons (i.e. Colin).
- Learning biology in Psychology should be banned. Forever.
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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I don`t care if you`re a "big, big mango," we`re learning Russian right now.
- Dan
- Jordan said, "I`m a big, big mango" in Chinese while Dan tries to teach him Russian.
(Submitted by David Heliotis)
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You`re hitting me with a sac. That`s like Son-of-a-Bitch-Scrotum, and I refuse to play that game.
- Colin
- Our ball deflated, but the game pressed on.
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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"Yeeeaaah......Why don`t you go ahead and...do thaaaat....Greeaat...."
- Are the words "Office Space" even necessary?
(Submitted by Frank Marino)
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"Hobo butter"
- Frank
(Submitted by Frank Marino)
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The talking penis often found himself in over his head.
- Narrator
- On the History Channel, during the documentary on "The History of Sex"
(Submitted by Carin Bloom)
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Ew, what was that? It sounded like you were burping up a corpse.
- Colin
- Apparently apple juice makes you burp up corpses.
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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I`ll set Drew`s life bit to 0
- Karl Sandler
(Submitted by Drew Housten)
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How`d you do it so fast? By the time I did you, you were only at 10!
- Monica Mikhail
- Umm......
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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"Physics is boring me to death! Does anyone have a mouse???
- Frank
- Boringness
(Submitted by Frank Marino)
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"Physics is boring me to death! Does anyone have a mouse?"
(Submitted by Frank Marino)
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There is a difference between the frustrating and the impossible. The frustrating part is having to accomplish the impossible.
- Chem Mat I students
- Discussing the hells of OWLs
(Submitted by Risa Scott)
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Rectal papercut- that must kill. I hope it does.
- Colin
- Colin talked about shoving paper up people`s asses. During a CPEG lab. There will probably be more before the end of the night.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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I am not insane, i just have found something more interesting than normalcy...
(Submitted by Risa Scott)
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HELLO!! My name in Inigo Montoya, you killed my father...prepare to DIE!!!!!
- Inigo Montoya
- Princess Bride....one of the best movies
(Submitted by Risa Scott)
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God I love talking about poo while I`m eating.
- Tony Kiss-Of-The-Wolf
- Talking about poo while eating.
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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The mainstream is refered to as a stream because of its shallowness
(Submitted by Risa Scott)
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I went down to the beach and saw Kiki...
- Sifl of Sifl and Olly
- You should know this one
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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I`m basically prostituting gay people to fuck me up the ass with spikes on the side!
- Colin
- Colin was calmly and maturely informing me of his slight dissatisfaction with his classes this semester
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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Monica Mikhail is a black grandmother.
- Anonymous UDECU member.
- Does it matter?
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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That was a dick kind of burp.
- Tony
- Colin burped, I called him a dick, he asked why.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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suckaduck
- Who?
- When? Why?
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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It`s like when you`ve got two dogs going at it in front of you and you`ve only got a glass of water to separate them
- Lewis Black
- I dare you to try to put that in context...i dare you
(Submitted by Steve Stirling)
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(Submitted by Steve Stirling)
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Are you trying to make me wierded out, because I jumped on a table and sang Avril Lavigne to you today.
- Colin McLavigne
- Being freaky looking as usual, with Sympathy for the Devil playing in the background, I look at Colin and he says...
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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I had bio, p-chem, thermo, and math today. So since I haven`t done anything all day but take it up the ass, I figued I might as well go home and finish the job.
- Swami
- Telling us about his day. I still don`t quite get it.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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We`ll see how that hoe sucker works
- Liz Hart - Misunderstood
- Liz was typing into IM and Colin definitely misinterpreted the entire line
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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It`s like a slave simulator in here
- Ed
- Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit Mofo....its hot
(Submitted by Steve Stirling)
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It`s space shuttle tested, bitch! I`ll kiss it up and down!
- Colinsky McClosky
- Colin kisses the ethernet cable lying on the floor.
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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I feel like I`m in an incubator.
- Colin
- While having his hair dyed
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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I feel like I
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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Yea, I made pasta the other night. It was pretty easy.
- Steve
- Steve has a kitchen now. He made pasta in it for the first time.
(Submitted by David Heliotis)
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"I`m one of few people to have lost my virginity to 40`s jazz." "Who was it?" "Ella Fitzgerald" ... "She`s fuckin` good"
- Yea!
- Yea!
(Submitted by David Heliotis)
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If you are smiling at the cosmos the motherfucking cosmos are smiling back at yah.
- Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes
(Submitted by Pete Amorosa)
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That`s somebody`s brain, man! Don`t draw on it!
- Colin and Dave
- Talking about the creepy dream sequence from the acclaimed film Pi.
(Submitted by Mike Lee)
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I appreciate the penis
- Pam
- take it as is, that`s pretty much how it was meant. She tried then to curb the meaning into being as "it;s what got me here" but still was extremely funny to those who were there
(Submitted by Greg Sydlowski)
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T: "C`mon Rich, say something in Creole!" R: "J`oublie tous le soir." T: "That sums up the night."
- Thom Boyer and Rich Beischer
- After the party commemorating the first night on location.
(Submitted by Rich Beischer)
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Backlash, forward slash... they`re both... different.
- Keely Swan
- Realizing that the slashes are in fact different midway through defending herself.
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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How does one man get to be so funny?
- Banky Edwards
- It`s in a movie.
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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Me and my wife, we always talk about getting a divorce, but we can never get past one thing: the children. No one wants them.
- John Bongiorno
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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Porn: What`s there to figure out?
- Mike Volf
- Uh.... mike lee was talking about porn. YEA!
(Submitted by David Heliotis)
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Better than you daily
(Submitted by Pete Amorosa)
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Colin is a walking mainstream.
- Tony
- Talking about things to write about on fatDOG
(Submitted by Pete Vincenti)
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Oh.. and that`s just a stain from my asshole medication
- Colin`s Mom
- Referring the stains and cleaning solutions and something else. It was very funny.
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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Oh wow, who knew.......fukstyk!
- Colin
- On the set of Living Young
(Submitted by Rich Beischer)
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It`s a good thing we have a gravity
- Colin
- Drew threw him a box of CHEEZ-ITZ and the crackers stayed in the spiralling box because of centrifugal force.
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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These teachers are young... they work here for six months... and then they seem to all get pregnant.
- My Boss
- Talking about K-2 teachers in Branchburg
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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Holy fuck we almost died
(Submitted by Pete Amorosa)
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"When you least expect it"
(Submitted by Pamela Krachun)
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"Cooties are just a pigment of your infatuation"
- Angelica - Rugrats
(Submitted by Keely Swan)
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Mmm.. you like that guys? That`s TAAAA-STY
- Mr. Ollio
(Submitted by Keely Swan)
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Maybe it`s because you`re unattractive.
- Tony
- To a girl, as to why her boyfriend broke up with her
(Submitted by Pete Vincenti)
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"Hope dies last"
(Submitted by Pamela Krachun)
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Quarters? That`s like fourths. Woah.
- Justin
- Upon hearing the Lakers were beating the crap out of the Nets in the 2nd quarter.
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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"This car is like driving in a Tic Tac!"
- Kathy
- Said while riding in Joel`s car
(Submitted by Pamela Krachun)
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A: Here`s a tip. Girls don`t want to see your underwear! B: Yes they do!!
- A: Teacher B: Random pants-sagger of SHS
(Submitted by Keely Swan)
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A: Here`s a tip. Girls don`t want to see your underwear!
(Submitted by Keely Swan)
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I was born strong.
- Mr. Fleming
(Submitted by Keely Swan)
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I like the easy route. Just take off your clothes and get in bed.
- Swami
- In talking about unlatching bras.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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I eat penises. All girls eat penises!
- Monica "I`m gonna kick you" Mikhail
- I don`t wanna know
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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"It`s a stimulator."
- Monica "I`m gonna kick you" Mikhail
- Speaking of breasts and Oxy-something or other
(Submitted by Harland Westgate)
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Cannibalism, is that a crime?
- Keely
- Scategories
(Submitted by Gregory Sydlowski)
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A: Notorious person: Abraham Lincoln.
B: What?? Notorious is bad! He`s considered a national hero!
A: Well... the south doesn`t like him!
(Submitted by Keely Swan)
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Hey you. You`re sexy. I`m sexy. Let`s be sexy together.
- Colin
- Ummm... talking girl stuff over with a friend
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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Far the best part, I repeat, of every mind is not that which he knows, but that which hovers in gleams, suggestions, tantalizing, unpossessed, before him.
- -Emerson
(Submitted by Keely Swan)
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I`m sorry if I look dumb when I think
- Reets
(Submitted by Pete Amorosa)
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Look it! I`m like a Skip-It!
- Leslie
- Swinging her key lanyard around her neck like a crazy woman
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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"Dude, I mean... boobs."
- Rich
- RATPAQ Meeting at the Mall 2000
(Submitted by Rich Beischer)
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Why does everything at my house always end with broccoli florettes and porn!!!??
- Alisha
- Responding to Evan Wolf holding frozen veggies on his leg in a room of people watching porn
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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I don`t suck, I BLOW!
- Monica
- Was told she sucked. Though nobody quite understands why she said it, she`s probably referring in some way to her attempts to inflate her inflatable chair.
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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I just wish we could go back to the good old days. The days when the drinking age was 18.
- Pete Vincenti
- Asked his opinion of alcohol use on campus
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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His name is John Paul Bishop!!? Oh my god!
- Colin
- Upon discovering the name of *The Guy*
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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Blah.
- Tony
- immitating Count Blah
(Submitted by Anthony Bacigalupo)
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Christ will be there!? Count me in, dammit!
- Colin
- Tony was proposing a fun movie outing that was misunderstood as a Christian outing.
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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That kid is like a snail! He carries his home on his back!
- Steve Rawson
- Discussing Chris Moravek`s oversized book bag
(Submitted by Colin McCloskey)
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